MRI’s are Like Techno Shows, Spinal Taps are Like Going to See Kenny G

It had been about 2 months since I’d seen my internist and 2 days since I saw my eye doctor and found out that I have this weird fake tumor condition thing. Under my eye doctor’s advice I called the neurologist and made an appointment – luckily there was a cancellation and I was able to get in the same day. After a few tests in the office and a brief conversation, the neurologist agreed with my eye doctor and ordered an additional MRI and a spinal tap. He explained the condition to me and explained what the treatment would be. I, of course, asked all of about 3 questions. One of which had to do with my deteriorating vision –by this point, it was getting worse. I had double vision in the evenings when my eyes were tired and some blurry vision as well. The doctor explained that the medication would help with and I left his office gearing up for more tests.

First up was an MRI. I had had one before, so I knew what to expect. Like with most things I do, I have to find the fun in it. And MRI’s – if you are not claustrophobic – can be fun.

It’s funny, they actually ask you when you schedule the appoint if you are claustrophobic – to which I replied, “Not yet.”

I’m sure if you haven’t actually had an MRI you have seen one on TV. It’s the big machine they slide you into to take pictures of a specific part of your body. You have to remain completely still and in some cases the test can take some time. In may case it was about 30 minutes.

They put you in a gown – and you look super hot – and lay you on a board, put a cage looking device over your head and in some cases something to cover your ears because it is LOUD.

They slide you in and start the tests. A series of booms and ticks and whomps and swooshes and before I know I am trying to keep my body from moving to the techno beats of the MRI machine. At one point I was actually doing a llittle “Uhnsa, uhnsa, uhnsa,” in my head. I wanted to slide myself out of that over sized microwave, grab some glow sticks and start jumping around. The test flew by and before I knew it, they were sliding me out and I had a sudden urge to listen to the techno station on my XM rad on the way back home. The whole experience reminded me of the Ravers are Dumb clip I saw a few ago:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UeyG4UJDlKo

But if MRIs are like a techno show, spinal taps are like a Kenny G concert - what I imagine to be pure torture. The procedure itself was not that bad, it’s the recovery that is no fun. Kind of like Kenny G... At the dentist office it's okay, but you don't want to sit through 3 hours of that crap.

Whereas with an MRI you are on your back, with a spinal tap you are on your stomach. In an open back gown – again, super hot. It’s a medical procedure preformed by a doctor with a Physician’s Assistant and Nurses present – they do not take this lightly. Nor should they - at least not when dealing with anything with the word “spine” in it.

The second the doctor touched my lower back, I jumped. Wouldn’t you? I have never heard anything good about spinal taps, after all. So they numbed the area, and for me this was the worst part of the procedure. I didn’t feel anything after that except a little pressure. It was great, actually.

So with this particular condition, brain fluid (cerebral spinal fluid or CSF) is not properly absorbed and thus creates pressure inside the head. With the spinal tap, the doctor was to measure the opening pressure – not sure what that is, but okay. Normal opening pressure should be between 15 and 20. The instrument used goes up to 45. They estimated my opening pressure at over 50. I don’t know anything about this measurement but that sounds pretty high.

Being the weirdo I am, I asked to see my CSF. Do you know what brain fluid looks like? iI’s crystal clear. It was a little weird looking at something in a tube that just moments before was inside of my head. Of course I also feel that way every time I pick my nose, but I digress.

So the worst part of the procedure was the numbing of the area. But the worst part of the ordeal is the recovery. I had to lay flat on my back in the hospital for a good 4 hours before they would let me leave. I could sit up only to go to the bathroom and leave. And I had to lay flat for the next 24 to 48 hours. Only able to get up to go to the bathroom and eat. They require this so that more fluid doesn’t leak out and cause a spinal headache – which apparently is the worst feeling in the world.
I survived the second MRI and the spinal tap without issue. But eye sight was getting worse and I was seeing double pretty much all the time at this point. By that Saturday, April 18, 2009 (1 week and 1 day after initial diagnosis and 2 days since the spinal tap) I stopped driving – it was getting too dangerous. I had no idea it would be months before I would drive again. At this point I wanted an official diagnosis and medication so I could start seeing – an driving again. Little did I know, this is where things got really really weird…