I Feel 16 Again! But With a Different Kind of Awkwardness

So I am driving again. No, my eyesight is not perfect; yes, I have blind spots in my peripheral vision; true, I once totaled two cars in 12 months – but that is beside the point. I am, for the most part, a very good driver. And since I have not been driving, and instead been a passenger, I have been very cognoscente of my limitation when it comes to being on the road. Am I scared to drive? Well, I wasn’t scared to drive when I got my license at 16 and I am not now. Though, maybe I should have been…

As I mentioned in a previous post I once put 100,000 miles on my car in 4 years – so you could say I am a seasoned driver. My driving habits in the past few years, however, have changed. I pretty much stay within a 5 mile radius of my house – and often get perturbed when I need to venture outside of said radius. As a matter of fact, in the past year I have put less than 10,000 miles on my car.

But as soon as I got the OK to drive, it was like, where can I go? What can I do? And what better way to act like an irresponsible brand new driver than to drive to see your best friend. Who happens to live 45 minutes away. Mostly highway, but some country road driving. In the evening. Yeah, I am a genius.

But I did it anyway. I hopped in my car, blared the radio and jumped on 696. I am pretty sure I hovered around 65 miles per hour. Keep in mind I have been pulled over, literally, countless times for speeding. I once had 8 points on my license and my insurance payments were $480 PER MONTH – but I digress. I did not speed. Cars buzzed by me the entire way out there – and when you have limited peripheral vision, this is both terrified and exciting. It’s like, “Oh hey, look, another car passing me!”

The drive out there was not too bad. Once I got to my exit I felt a little more comfortable driving overall and the rest of the drive was just fine.

My visit with my friend and her newborn twin boys was great – and long overdue. And then it was time to leave… at 11:30 at night… ugh.

I had made myself a deal, if I had any issue getting to the main road that would take me back to the highway, I would turn around and bunk up with the twins for the night. If I was okay, I would continue home. Driving on a 2 lane road in the pitch black was not as horrific as I thought it was going to be, so I figured I was good to go.

And then the highway came – bright lights from oncoming traffic, reflecting white lane lines flying up at me, orange barrels, cars buzzing by. And then came the anxiety, the heart palpitations, the sweats and the excuse I would tell the cops if I get pulled over: “No officer, I have not been drinking. I have… um… a… uh…. visual impairment? Look, my doctor said I could drive!”

I was not used to this! I was not used to being nervous when I drove. I mean, I am a DRIVER. It’s what I do. I fly down the freeway at a comfortable 73 – 78 miles per hour. Cars move over for me. I hang out in the left lane and zip by the people who… well, who are like me, now.

So there I was moseying along in the right lane, never quite hitting 70 MPH (blasphemy!). Concentrating REALLY HARD on staying between the white lines, not getting too close to the orange barrels, staying on the road, really. I hadn’t concentrated that hard on driving since that one time when I… well, it’s been a long a time. At one point, I was confused with some construction and thought the highway was closed. It wasn’t. I took myself on a small detour that dragged my already excruciatingly long trip home out more.

I once said that one of my favorite places is the stretch of highway on 696E between Orchard Lake and Southfield Roads because it means I am almost home. This sentence as never rang more true! This part of the highway – construction free – I can drive with my eyes closed and I almost did – it would have been less terrifying for all involved.

When I finally exited the highway, I breathed a sigh of relief. I survived. I haven’t been so nervous to get home since the last time I… well, it’s been a while. But I made it home – alive – and so did the people I encountered on the highway that night – if, god forbid, they didn’t, it wasn’t because of me.

So, will I get on the highway again? Did I really think my life and the lives of other drivers were in danger? Should I be driving at night? The answers are yes, maybe and sure, why not. I will get on the highway again – but for now, it will be during daylight hours only. I really did not fear for my life. I am confident that as nervous as I was, no one was at any real risk. And yes, I can drive at night…, I should have done some local surface street driving instead of jumping right on the highway for my first nighttime drive - it was not the smartest move I have made, but I am acting like a 16 year old with their brand new license – so would you expect anything less?

(July 19, 2009)