Maybe Today is the Day

I’m about to get all philosophical on your ass:

Every morning when I wake up I lay in bed for a few moments and I think. I think maybe today is the day. Maybe today is the day I open my eyes and I can see everything clearly. Maybe today I will open my eyes and see straight lines and full words. Maybe I will see people coming up next to me or extending their hand for a handshake. Maybe today I will be able to walk outside in the sunlight without wincing from the harsh light. Maybe today I will be able to see something small I dropped on the floor or someone sitting across the room and know who they are. Maybe today is the day a miracle happens and I can see – everything – clearly – like I used to. Maybe today is the day.

And I open my eyes. And the first thing I see is my ceiling fan. And the first thing I notice is the jagged lines of the otherwise smooth blades. I rub my eyes and look again. Jagged lines. I close my right eye. Jagged lines and a screen – just like the night before. I close my left eye. Like looking through water – just like the night before. I open both eyes and stare at my ceiling. I can see it – which is good. But the white paint looks a little dark, like… like looking through a screen or a veil.

I look straight ahead and I put my hands out to the sides of my head and I wiggle my fingers. Do I see them? Honestly, I am not sure. It is hard to tell if you see your fingers wiggling when you know you are wiggling your fingers. Wiggle is a weird word. I put my fingers right under my eyes. I can see my finger under my right eye – the watery eye – but not the left.

If someone were to see me right now they would think I was out of my mind – maybe I am.

So today is not the day, but I am improving – slowly – and I know it. And I know it is going to take time, but that isn’t going to stop me from thinking maybe today is the day. One day I will wake up and see – maybe not as well or as much as I did before this ordeal, but it will be better. The veil will be lifted and the water will evaporate and the lines… well, hopefully they smooth themselves out. But in the meantime, it’s time to get up and go to the gym and go to work and not think about it. Not think about today not being the day and not think about when that day will come, but instead remember where I was just under 3 months ago and where I am now.

So maybe today is going to be a different kind of day. Maybe today is the day I make someone laugh or inspire someone or make a difference. Maybe today is the day I make myself laugh, inspire myself or make a difference. Simply put today is A day and I going to make the most of it.

(July 13, 2009)